I remembered changing who I was, the way I dress, the way I speak, and how I pretended to be someone else my former partner liked the most. I thought there was something wrong with me. I thought that by changing everything about me would reduce problems in my relationship with my ex-boyfriend.
I wanted that perfect relationship. I wanted a relationship where we were having a lot of fun and happy. I hated having fights. I often thought I was the problem one in the relationship.
But it turned out it wasn’t just me. I wasn’t honest with myself and with my partner. I wasn’t allowed to be who I am. My partner often mocked the way I dress or the way I speak.
For example, my communication style was (still is) very blunt including swearing. I was cussing like a sailor, but it was how I expressed myself emotionally. You can say the way I share compassion was (still is) radical to some people.
I remembered one night very precisely where I was talking with my ex-boyfriend’s friends and cussing. Then, they had to leave. My ex-boyfriend turned around and faced me with widened eyes.
“Why did you say? Why did you say ‘fuck’ in front of my friends?” he scolded me.
His reaction shocked me. In my mind, “What the hell? You’re my boyfriend, and you knew I swear a lot.” But I was already insecure about who I was and couldn’t express my feelings. I just cringed and became very humiliated with myself.
As the relationship progressed, I became very insecure and distant. We were fighting a lot over stupid shit. I never felt comfortable with being who I am with my ex-boyfriend. I had to overthink and overanalyze about how should I act, speak, or even dress because I did not want him to scold me ever again.
I was tired of feeling insecure. I knew this relationship was emotionally draining. It was like nothing I say, do, or dress could make my ex-boyfriend happy. There was nothing I can do to improve the relationship.
A few months later, an opportunity was given to me to attend a college in Washington, D.C. Guess what I did? Bingo, I packed my bags and got on the plane. After landing in D.C., I finally feel free in a long time.
About two weeks after living in a new city and rebuilding my life, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend via AOL messenger. I ended it because I saw hope, endless possibilities and a chance to be who I include my sailor’s mouth.
Believe me. I learn this hardest way. For a long time, I’ve always thought I need to change myself to accommodate my partner’s likes and needs. It took me a long time to realize that it does not work that way.
All my past relationships failed because I wasn’t wholly myself or allowed to be myself. I learned this critical revelation in my coaching session last year. Boy, I cannot tell you how relieved I felt when my coach said me it was completely safe to be who I include my sailor’s mouth.
It changed my outlook on romantic relationships and self-love. I was no longer scared to be myself because I know there’s a partner who can fully appreciate and love that I am. I just will not make the same mistake again to compromise that I am just because I want to be in a relationship.
As long as my heart is open, I am allowed to be in an emotionally fulfilled, passionate, mentally stimulating, and fun relationship. You are also allowed to visualize your kind of ideal relationship.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You are perfect who you are. Maybe you’re not sure if you are allowed to be yourself in a relationship or not sure if you’re attractive enough for your partner.
What if I tell you that you have every right to be who you are and attract a partner who adores every bit of you? What if I say you are attractive enough to be in a relationship?
Sometimes, we need others to remind us who we are and that it’s entirely safe to be a little different (like my cussing mouth) to be in a beautiful relationship. My journey with self-love and relationships prepared me for a new role- a Relationship Coach.
Currently, I have limited spaces for two special ladies who are ready to embrace who they are, are ready to invest in self-love and manifest their ideal relationship in my new 6 Week Intensive Coaching Program, “Manifest Your Love.”
This is for you if:
… you want to be loved for who you are
… you want to be supported by your partner
… you want to be sharing a life with your ideal partner
… you want to be in a healthy and passionate relationship
But you’re also:
… feeling unworthy to be in your ideal relationship and you’re not sure you can find a partner who sees value in you
… afraid to allow love in again, struggling to trust again after a bad relationship, and afraid to get hurt again
…. stuck in the past after having multiple failed relationships or your parents’ breakup/divorced and you’re not sure if true love exists.
This program includes:
– 6 Week of coaching and support
– 1 x 90 minutes session
– 5 x 60 minutes session
– Email support (Monday to Friday)
– Self-Reflection Questionnaires
BONUS for participating in my “Manifest Your Love” program before April 25th at 5pm PST:
1 hour of Relationship Past Life Reading where I’ll look into your past lives and see where you might have carried fears, wounds, or vows that prevent you from manifesting your romantic relationship.
PM me to open your heart and finally allowing love in to manifest your lover, partner, and best friend. You deserve love and happiness.